As every parent learns rather quickly, there is most certainly a baby equivalent to the famed Murphy’s Law, whereby if anything can go wrong, it will.
I’ve been compiling what I refer to as Marisa’s Law–and this list will surely be added to as the years go on.
By no means, incidentally, do I think my kid is special in supplying me with these examples. It’s just that, well, she’s my kid and this is my site and I can call the law anything I like. If you don’t like “Marisa’s Law,” well, get your own dang site and name a law after your own dang kid(s).
Sorry. I get defensive when I haven’t had enough coffee and M has seemingly had too much (though obviously she doesn’t drink it, ahem).
Today is one of those days.
1. Regarding baby spitting up or wiping one’s icky hands somewhere or otherwise making a mess while eating or immediately thereafter, baby shall have a firm EBTB policy.
Everywhere But The Bib.
2. La Mommy’s state of exhaustion shall hereby adhere to the following pattern:
*Yawn yawn yaaaaaaaawn* while baby’s awake / WIDE EFFING AWAKE while baby sleeps.
There is no in between and never the twain shall meet.
3. La Mommy may think she is being clever by pulling her hair up into a ponytail to avoid baby hair-pulling. Baby, however, shall take this as a direct challenge to focus on each and every wisp that has escaped the pony and pull even harder.
You may refer to this law as simply #babyalwayswins.
4. When getting dressed, baby shall have a tolerance limit of whatever the number of pieces of clothing is minus one. That is, diaper + onesie + pants means baby will happily coo through the first two items and then freak out.
Note this is a sliding scale, so that if the outfit requires four items, tolerance is firm at three, and so forth.
One might think summer is easy with just a diaper and one piece of clothing, but oooooooh no, all that means is that diaper changes are now screamfests.
(Just me? Please don’t tell me this one is just me.)
5. On any morning on which La Mommy and baby need to leave the house for an appointment, etc., baby will decide to sleep in, forcing La Mommy to grit her teeth so hard she could crack a walnut and then wake a (I can’t even believe I’m writing this let alone doing it) sleeping baby.
What are/were your baby’s “favorite” laws?